- monthly subscription or
- one time payment
- cancelable any time
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
Bill Cosby : "I'm 76 and Tired"
I'm 76. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired. I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honour"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand, UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance.. I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off? I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's bedeck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.
Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 76.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and her children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in.
There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on!
This is your chance to make a difference.
" I'm 76 and I'm tired. If you don't forward this you are part of the problem".
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words
Lord's prayer: 66 words
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words
Ten Commandments: 179 words
Gettysburg address: 286 words
US Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: 7,818 words
EU regulations on the sale of cabbage:
– Europe's Problems Summed Up
And that, dear ladies and gentlemen, is how a basic financial bailout package works !
Two Italian men and one Italian woman. Two French men and one French woman. Two German men and one German woman. Two Greek men and one Greek woman. Two British men and one British woman. Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman. Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman. Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman. Two Irish men and one Irish woman. Two American men and one American woman.
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage a trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.
The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the British aren't having any fun.
The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.
En man och en kvinna var på semester. Efter middagen ville maken ta en tupplur.
Frun bestämmer sig då för att ta en tur i båten, fastän hon inte känner till sjön. Hon åker ut en bit, lägger ankar och tar fram en bok och sätter sig och läser.
Plötsligt kommer skogvaktaren förbi i sin båt. Han stannar bredvid kvinnan och säger:
-God morgon, frun! Vad gör ni?
-Jag läser en bok, svarar hon (och tänker, Syns inte det?)
-Det är fiskebegränsning här, informerar han.
-Ja, det är möjligt, men jag fiskar inte, jag läser.
-Ja, men du har utrustning till det. Så vitt jag vet, så kan du ju börja när som helst. Jag måste ta med dig in till stationen och skriva en rapport.
-För att jag läser? svarar hon tvivlande.
-Ja, det är fiskebegränsning här, informerar han igen.
-Men jag fiskar ju inte, jag läser.
-Jo, men du har utrustning till det, så du kan ju börja när som helst. Jag måste ta med dig in till stationen.
-Om du gör det blir jag tvungen att anmäla dig för sexuella trakasserier, säger kvinnan.
-Men jag har ju inte rört dig, säger skogvaktaren.
-Det är sant, men du har utrustning till det. Så vitt jag vet, så kan du ju börja när som helst.
-Ha en bra dag, frun! sa skogvaktaren och åkte iväg.
Oscar ber sin dagisfröken hjälpa honom att ta på sig sina stövlar innan han skall gå ut i kylan. De är jättebesvärliga att ta på och fröken måste verkligen göra världens ansträngning för att utföra uppdraget.
När äntligen stövlarna sitter på så säger Oscar:
- De sitter på fel fot.
Fröken tror inte sina ögon när hon konstaterar att det är som Oscar säger, stövlarna sitter fel. Hon drar som en dåre i 3 minuter för att ta av dem och börjar om med en superansträngning för att sätta på dem igen. Då säger Oscar:
- Det är inte mina stövlar!
Fröken andas djupt och lägger locket på sina känslorna för att inte skada lille Oscar som tittar på henne med en fast blick.
- OK, säger hon, vi tar av dem då! Och så sätter hon igång med samma träning som tidigare.
- Varför sa du inte det tidigare? Frågar hon när hon är klar.
Oscar svarar då:
- Det är inte mina stövlar, det är brorsans, men mamma vill att jag skall ha dem!
Fröken börjar gråta och mycket behärskat, fast bestämt, sätter hon på stövlarna för en tredje gång. Sedan lyfter hon Oscar, sätter på honom jacka och halsduk och frågar:
- Var är dina vantar?
Och Oscar svarar:
- Jag la dem i stövlarna!
These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries
in NHS Greater Glasgow
1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31.. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection.. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
For the sake of your health - stay away from hospital
INQ has received word that the Cloud Touch Facebook Phone has cleared the FCC. Dubbed simply “The Facebook Phone,” the Cloud Touch will likely head to AT&T since testing included support for GSM 850 and 1900 bands, as well as WCDMA Bands II and V. There’s no word on when the Cloud Touch will make it to MaBell, or how much it will run, but analysts looking at pricing and availability in Europe speculate that the device will sell for about $500 unsubsidized or $30 with a two year deal from AT&T. And although we don’t have a launch date just yet, the 180 day request for non disclosure should put this in AT&T stores sometime in late summer or early fall, if guessing correctly.
Specs for the Cloud Touch Facebook Phone include a Qualcomm MSM7227 800MHz processor, 3.5” touch screen, 512MB of internal storage, GPS, WiFi and Bluetooth. In addition, it will run Android 2.2 (Froyo) out of the box, which is a drag, but considering it’s relatively slower processor, it’s not going to be doing a lot of high end applications. The heart of the phone is it’s Facebook applications, including status updates, chat places, and events. Additionally, Facebook’s Social graphing application will enable users who live on the site daily to get updates directly from those they interact with the most.
The phone is also a 5MP camera, but I wouldn’t expect HD considering the low power of the processor and screen. So while users will be able to upload images and videos directly to … you guessed it … Facebook, they’re likely not to be in high definition. But at least users will have a full slide up QWERTY to type with. If this phone doesn’t float your boat, there are two more Facebook phones coming down the pipe this summer as well, including the HTC Salsa and Cha Cha.
So, if you’re a Facebook user looking for an Android tool to help live your lives on the Social site, stay tuned here at AC for more info on the Facebook Phone Trio as it develops.
[via Wireless Goodness]
“I am an addict. I don’t need alcohol, cocaine or any other derailing form of social depravity,” said one British participant, “Media is my drug; without it I was lost.”
Researchers say the result of the symptoms could be due to the fact that the principal subjects of the study, 17-23 year-olds, have grown up wired and live their lives more online than they do interacting in the real world. So the real world applications of interacting face to face is more foreign to them than engaging online. Many students experienced feelings of confusion, being isolated, and even felt like a failure without their gadgets keeping them plugged in. And many, who have wanted to disengaged from the gadgets that control their lives, fear to do so because of peer pressure, worrying that disconnecting will lead to ostracizing from friends.
But the good news is that students in the study who engaged in one on one conversations during the studies found them to be far more in depth and fulfilling than the chats provided by social media threads. And it’s not surprising considering regular conversations don’t have a 140 character limit and talking face to face actually requires a person to stay attentive. But if one isn’t used to personal interaction, such face to face attention may initially cause insecure feelings. Additionally, personal interaction means a person is far less likely to be blunt or even rude in their reactions, or are less likely to be verbally critical in a conversation.
9 Months Later...
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours
will talk if I let you stay in my
'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll
be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The
lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in for the night..
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and
they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected
letter from an attorney...
It took him a few minutes to
figure it out, but he finally determined that it was
from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met
on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and
asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we
stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' said Bob
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house
and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I
have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead
of telling her your name?'
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm
afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
And you thought the ending would be different...didn't you?...
you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of
Swedish prosecutors will make their appeal against bail for Wikileaks founder Julian Assange at the High Court on Thursday.
The 39-year-old was granted bail at City of Westminster Magistrates' Court on Tuesday on the condition he provides sureties of £240,000 in cash.
But he was forced to remain in Wandsworth Prison pending the appeal.
Mr Assange is fighting extradition to Sweden, where he denies sexually assaulting two women.
He argues that the allegations against him are politically motivated and are designed to distract attention from the sensitive material being exposed by his whistle-blowing website.
Google isn’t telling me any secrets about its plans for Chrome OS. Indeed, I’m not even one of the 60,000 or so people that Google has given a Cr-48 Chromebook prototype to play with. Even so, unlike my good friend Mary Jo Foley, I think I know exactly who Google has in mind for its Chrome OS Linux desktop system.
I see Google as targeting two different, very different, audiences with Chrome OS. The first group are office workers. The other is those hundreds of millions, perhaps a billion plus, users who really don’t know the first thing about to use a computer safely even as they use them every day.
In this set-up, a company would pay Google a fee, just as some do now for Google Apps for Business. In return, the company gets the 21st century version of a thin-client desktop.
This is an idea that goes all the way back to terminals to mainframe computers. While PCs put this idea into a niche market for decades now, some CIOs and administrators still yearn for it. The reasons for this are quite simple: It puts IT back in charge of the office desktop
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)